Nasturtiums and Watermelons
Hmm, it's been almost two months since I last updated. I suppose an explanation should be in order, especially for those kind enough to have been checking in or commenting, but...what story isn't long and the telling of which too exhausting? Fate seems to be stalking people I love. Combine that with summer, with remodeling, with school with balancing on a delicate thread of happiness and forward progress--sometimes even if thoughts are there, where's the energy to get them out? Besides, the problem with a public blog is that it's public. Not being anonymous, there're lots of things I realize I can't share here, something I never considered when I started this. One starts a little blog thinking no one will ever read it. Suddenly, everybody knows your business and you think damn, I should have worn a mask to this party. Anyway....
Looking out this window at nasturtiums. Profligate, cheerful, silly, wild and rank in a harmless way. I love nasturtiums, through the summer. Only come the first touch of frost and a slimy, ropy mess to wrap around rakes and choke compost piles, but at least that is some time off.
My mother's birthday today, not that she'll read this but happy birthday to her. We talked recently about the slightly poisonous mix of love and memory. All of our birthdays are in July and August. My brother's the day before my father's. How do you celebrate without sadness. Modern life, sitcom society and the absence of the sacred. Our people really need myths, need some framework for ancestors and gods to make reality bearable if not comprehensible.
Mary wanting a dog. We think and wonder about mutts and breeds and query the clawless cat, wishing a dog would just knock at the door and present itself as dogs have in the past. How do you approach fate and who will take the blame? I am starting to think that a life intentionally lived is just the hardest damn thing.
There are very bright yellow flowers on Mary's watermelons. Given the lateness of the season, perhaps we won't be eating of these plants, but the flowers are welcome and the vines seems sure they will take over the world. Half assed attempt to throw some vegetables in the ground this year. We have so many things we need to do to this house, that many things are just nudges in the right direction. A pot of geraniums here, a pepper plant there. I think Mary will definitely have peppers and tomatoes, maybe miniature pumpkins--enough for me at any rate. Perfectionism sucks.
I really should take some pictures. Just making a stab here to stay open. Get in the habit of babbling again.